Advice to gay kids « jumpy jumpy vitamins

Advice to gay kids

… the pre-Pride edition. I’m thinking a lot about this ’cause we’re gearing up for our annual “We’re being ourselves so fuck off if you can’t handle that” celebration; after this weekend, I may have more to say on the topic.

Dan Savage solicited advice from his readers a little while back for a 15-year-old gay boy, and now he’s posted the best responses. I didn’t get mine sent in time, and there’s a lot that’s duplicated, but here’s mine anyway. (hooray for self-publishing, eh?)

Be yourself, as often as possible.: Best advice I’ve ever received, and the best I can possibly give. Hell, it’s what the whole Pride “thing” celebrates, and it’s why people come out of the closet. Unfortunately, most of us forget this as we get older, and fall into gay-clone-dom. Don’t let that happen to yourself.
Always focus more on your inner beauty than on your outer beauty.: Neither youth nor cuteness lasts forever, and there are few things worse (IMHO) than a self-absorbed drama case who spends whole weekends seeking validation through the inspiration of lust in others. So go try new things: read Neruda and listen to raunchy Finnish avant-garde folk-pop and eat jellyfish and travel to someplace wildly exotic (Paris and London are NOT THAT EXOTIC, kids). Just try them once, and if you don’t like them then you’ll still be richer for it.
Find an enjoyable way to take care of your body.: The great non-secret of fitness, which somehow eludes many people: Do it because you love it. (In this case, “do it” can mean “lift weights”, “swim”, “play a sport”, etc.) If you get all chiseled and sexy as a result, then that’ll just be an extra-special side benefit - but chiseled ‘n’ sexy should not be your sole motivation.
Don’t forget about flavor when you eat well.: It is possible to eat nutritiously and still enjoy interesting flavors and textures in your food. Seriously. The produce section is your friend in this regard. (Just don’t let the asparagus sit on the counter for too long. eww.)
Lots. Of. Fiber.: No, seriously. Fiber is your friend, even if you’re a top.
There are going to be men who will try to fuck with your head and use you in all the wrong ways. Avoid them.
Youth and beauty are commodities in the gay world, and if you have either then you will receive a lot of attention. However, the presence or lack of either should NOT determine how you treat anyone.
Make several very good friends, and stick by them no matter what.
Learn the difference between infatuation and love.: DO NOT CONFUSE THE TWO, do not tell him you love him before you get to see his dark side, and for God’s sakes don’t pine forever for a boy you can’t have.
Don’t sit around all night working up the courage: just talk to him already.
Learn when and how to say “no” firmly and tactfully, and learn how to take “no” for an answer gracefully and respectfully.: At some point, you are going to have to reject somebody’s advances; at some point, your advances are going to be rejected. Be nice the first time you tell somebody “no” — remember that your suitor took an awful big risk asking you (see above) — and don’t be afraid to tell them to fuck off if they don’t get the hint. And when (not if) you get rejected, thank him for his time and MOVE THE FUCK ON.
Experiment sexually, but ONLY in a sane environment.: Have a “safe word”, know and trust your partner(s), and keep your wits about you (even as things get intense).
It’s OK to separate sex from love, but it’s never OK to separate sex from trust or respect.
Choose your partners wisely, for sex and for everything else.
Sex is better if you love him.: You’re just going to have to trust me on this one.